12 Rules for Life - Summary & Review
“12 RULES FOR LIFE - An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan B. Peterson
“The best way to fix the world is to fix yourself.”
This book is a must. It could have saved me a lot of therapy sessions.
This book by Jordan Peterson is a manual on navigating our complex world.
Here, Dr. Peterson, a renowned psychologist and professor emeritus at the University of Toronto (one of the most prestigious in Canada), covers the eternal battle between chaos and order, morality in the Western world, World Wars, religion, the meanings behind Disney’s stories, and the lobster hierarchy and its relationship to social status. All of this is to show you how these 12 rules are around and within us. Indeed, you don’t need to read this book to know those 12 rules. You already know them.
When reading this book, you will feel like it is reading your mind. What Peterson does in this book is a fantastic job of putting into words what your mind knows but is unable to express. These concepts are already carved into your primordial mind and deep consciousness.
However, you need structure so that your rational mind can comprehend and process, and that’s how these 12 rules, with their immediacy in being grasped, can help you. They can help you become more grounded, overcome a difficulty or heartbreak, and find guidance.
I recommend this book to millennials and male readers. Although we are the most educated generation, millennials were taught that morality is relative. So, it sometimes seems to live in a world where there is no right or wrong. And that’s where the 12 rules can help us establish a sense of the world. Citing Peterson, “The idea that human life can be free of moral concerns is a fantasy.” Rules are indeed needed. It is through constraints and limitations that we are humans. It is because of time constration that we can become productive. Similarly, it is because of our fallacious nature (prone to disease) and vulnerability that we are unique.
In this article, I will not discuss each of the 12 rules illustrated by the author; rather, I want to present you with the main overall concepts and the main takeaways so that you can get the most out of it in a condensed way.
The main concepts are the following:
Lobster - Physiology, Hormones, and Social Status
Discipline
Order VS Chaos
Life = Pain & Suffering
Vision & Meaning
Be Your Bestfriend
1. Lobster - Physiology, Hormones, and Social Status
“If you present yourself as defeated, then people will react to you as if you are losing.
If you start to straighten up, then people will look and treat you differently.”
Rule #1 = “Stand up straight with your shoulders back”.
Dr. Peterson starts his book with this rule, which is the most fundamental one.
Standing up straight is something very intuitive that your parents have probably been telling you since you were a kid. However, your posture (physiology) affects your hormones and how people around you see you.
What does this have to do with lobsters?
Peterson uses an analogy with lobsters to emphasize how posture is essential and affects the social status you can fall into.
Lobsters, like any other animal, fight for sovereignty and reproduction. When a lobster loses a battle, its brain is completely destroyed. Yeah, it’s like tabula rasa. When losing the fight with its contender, the lobster’s brain cannot sustain the change in social status. The lobster’s brain cannot pass from dominant to inferior status without completely dissolving and growing back. This is directly connected to how lobsters stand (their posture) and the chemistry in their brains.
How is this useful for you?
This is very relevant for anyone who has experienced a significant defeat romantically, personally, or professionally. When you hit rock bottom, your hormones and posture change accordingly.
You know what being defeated feels and looks like. Your shoulders go inward, your gaze is to the ground, and you feel anxious and weak. This is linked with your hormones: low serotonin. Serotonin is a chemical messenger that regulates your mood. Low serotonin levels are linked with depression and decreased confidence. You are in survival mode. You become like a low-status lobster. You are no longer dominant, and you should watch out for any danger around you, which is very energy-consuming and does not allow you to focus on yourself.
On the other hand, a high-status profile is confident. Your posture emanates confidence. You sit and stand straight. You face the world and its dangers. Standing up releases higher serotonin levels, leading to a vicious cycle in which people see you as a winner and treat you differently. You are like the victor lobster, being seen as dominant, contributing to further increase of the serotonin level and conserving its energy.
Every time you notice yourself going inward or facing the ground, remember the lobster and stand up. Standing up means embracing life’s burdens, accepting responsibility, and voluntarily shaping chaos into habitable order. Therefore, start changing your posture and movements (motions), and your emotions will also change.
2. Discipline
“The strength of a person’s spirit would then be measured by how much ‘truth’ he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
Related to standing up straight, a very important aspect of your life is that you should be disciplined.
What does it mean to be disciplined?
It means mainly three things:
You have a routine
You clean up your life
You don’t lie to yourself
1. You have a routine
Having a routine and having a process is something you must have because life and situations can come up, but your basic needs should always be met. So that when shit hits the ceiling, you are physically and mentally ready to react. You will have energy to put into the new challenge or issue as you can cover all your basic by the good habit you have implemented.
This involves having a proper and good sleep routine. In another article, I will dig deeper into this by reviewing Matthew Walker's book Why We Sleep. Briefly, having a good sleep routine means you achieve at least 7-8 hours of bedtime per night and your waking up hours are consistent throughout the week. Changing your sleeping routine between weekdays and weekends can have the same serious effect (if not worse) as not getting enough sleep per night.
Secondly, your stomach should not be so full before lying to bed at night. For dinner, choose something light, and do not lie down before having a walk or letting some hours pass after eating. You should wake up hungry. And you should have a high-fat and protein-rich breakfast that gives you all the energy you need to start and go through the day.
2. You clean up your life
You don’t let dust accumulate under the carpet or let a catastrophe grow in the shadows.
You tackle the difficult conversation with your partner early on.
You say what you need to say to your relatives.
You work hard in your career.
You work hard in your life.
You don’t wait.
You make sure that you live without anything to be said or done. That’s how you clean up your life.
3. You don’t lie to yourself
Lying to yourself is the highest form of betrayal and disrespect. It weakens you inside. You must be disciplined and aware of what you tell and what you promise to yourself.You need to accept the truth. The more time passes, the worse will be the consequences.
If you want a better life, then you need to own every aspect of it. The way to free yourself is by taking responsibility for everything. In this way, you subtract power from external forces and bring it to you. Your fate is back in your hands.
Thus, be disciplined and take responsibility.
3. Order VS Chaos
Another central aspect of the book is the recurrent duality of order and chaos.
For a moment, just think: Have you ever noticed how one moment of your life is all roses and flowers, and the very next one is all shit?
Well, this is because you live on the border between order and chaos.
Peterson gives an ample overview of how, symbolically, the order is associated with the masculine, with the known, while the chaos, or the unknown, is associated with the feminine. And he doesn’t say that one is better than the other, or you should pursue always order. In fact, order alone is not enough to live fully. He says that if you think about the yin/yang symbol, you should be in the middle. One foot is in the order, in what is known to you, in your comfort zone, while the other is in the chaos, in the unknown, because nothing exists without its opposite.
Living in the order may appear to be easier, but you may miss a connection with a reality. Instead, when you fully are in the chaos is those moments of your life that you feel lost: when your life seems to fall apart. How do you make order from chaos?
You need to be precise in your speech, use the correct words, and structure the chaos. Or it’s probably time to look inside yourself and reassess your values, which requires an open and aware mind. It will also involve a great deal of suffering.
4. Life = Pain & Suffering
“Pain and suffering define the world.”
Life is difficult, and you must be ready to put all your work into it.
Will it be easier when you own your circumstances and you take responsibility?
No, it won’t.
Life is pain. But pain and negative emotions are important and more potent than good ones, like pleasure or hope. It is through pain that we learn, and it is through pain that we know how to avoid it. And why should you do all of this and endure the pain?
Because then you will live a life with meaning. And that’s what will set you free. That’s what will make you go forward and take an extra step. You don’t need to know all the detailed steps you are going to take, but you need to know your vision.
So, be ready to welcome pain and suffering in your life. Only the dead can escape it.
5. Vision & Meaning
“To have meaning in your life is better than to have what you want, because you may neither know what you want, nor what you truly need.”
Meaning is for the long term. It implies that you are directed to improving humankind. Your top aim is to alleviate suffering and pain. You start to see things differently, and what you see is really important. Because we can focus and aim only at the things we look at, the main drawback is leaving all the rest in the unknown.
That’s why your eyes and where your gaze falls are crucial. Your eyes are your most important tool to navigate the world—to choose what you focus on and what not.
Aiming for a goal, to an ambition, also brings order into your life, limits the noise, and limits the chaos that surrounds you.
The sense of meaning is, therefore, connected with the necessary distinction between better and worse.
You need to start working on what makes your life better and acting on it now.
6. Be Your Bestfriend
Treating yourself better also impacts the people around you. This is because, as humans, we are social. We are tied to each other. Hence, if you treat yourself better, your relationships and connections will improve.
Generally, we are excellent at taking care of others or our pets but not so good at taking care of ourselves. We postpone the visit to the doctor, we dismiss certain feelings, and we don’t use the same words that we would say to help our best friend who is in our same situation.
When you catch yourself not treating yourself well, remember that you need to take care of yourself. If you don’t find the need or the motivation to do it for yourself, then do it because of the people that matter to you. They don’t want to see you suffering. They want the best for you. And you should also want that for yourself.
Be your best friend. Ask: “What would you tell your friend if they were in your situation? What would you wish them to?
Summary
This book is your playbook for leveling up in life—whether you’re navigating a career setback, a breakup, or just figuring out your place in the world. Life can feel overwhelming, but Peterson’s 12 rules remind you that discipline, responsibility, and a clear vision will always have your back. Stand tall, take ownership, and become the man you’re meant to be—because no one’s coming to save you, but you’ve got everything you need to save yourself.
